Was your Father a 'Safe Container'?
- quantacounselling
- Nov 2
- 2 min read
Fathers define family boundaries. Fathers keep families safe. Fathers protect their families from harm. Fathers support the wellbeing of family members by providing secure foundations. Was this your father?
Your childhood experience of the presence or absence of these qualities directly reveals your experience of safety and efficacy in the world. Experiencing weak or rigid boundaries, insecurity, and lack of confidence when navigating life are legacies left by fathers who have failed to provide 'safe containment' for the children in their lives.
'Safe containment' means fathers who are physically and emotionally present; who are consistent in expressions of affection and support. It means provision of a stable, secure family environment, in which open communication and freedom of expression are encouraged, and differences are accommodated. A safe environment in which individual understandings of roles and rules within the family system are negotiated.
What was the quality of the fatherly 'container' you experienced? Authoritarian? Punitive? Controlling? Or absent? Ineffectual? Weak? And what is your subsequent understanding of your social place and role in the world? Do you find yourself relinquishing personal freedom and seeking security from external values within external power structures; external motivators to live by? What are the 'authority' structures' governing your life?
Your ability to feel accountable as a free, Sovereign Being, and assume personal responsibility for the decisions you make from an internally-directed frame of reference, experiencing your Self as guiding authority in your own life, honours the 'safe containment' your own father most likely provided. Most of us have not experienced the personal empowerment that 'safe containment' in childhood provides.
In the absence of 'safe containment' during your childhood years, all is not lost. You have the opportunity now, as an adult, to address your unmet childhood needs by learning how to reparent yourself. The moment you choose to take charge of your own life, the world around you changes, and true fulfilment begins.
Quanta Leigh Henson (November 2025)
